SING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING?
It starts as any tournament song should – with a line of famous commentary – although in rather un-English fashion it celebrates actual success – the European Championship win in 2022. “Chloe Kelly! England are history-makers, record-breakers, game-changers,” chimes the commentator focusing on positive vibes rather than the more traditional collection of snapshots of failure, but here we are.
A World Cup is upon us and England are heading to Australia (and New Zealand) in the hope of upgrading from Euros winners to world champions. They are not favourites but they do have their own song, Call Me A Lioness thanks to an array of voices from Melanie C to Self Esteem and, on drums, Sports Team’s Alex Greenwood, who happens to have the same name as an England defender to bring a high-level of synergy to this concept. It is quite a melodic number, mainly because it is sung by actual professional singers rather than two comedians, which makes a change. “It was just a bunch of mates coming together to make a song about football,” chirped the producer, Joel Pott.
Sarina Wiegman’s side have not scored in their past two matches so need a confidence boost in lyrics. “We’re going to Down Under, putting 10 past the ’keeper, it’s easy to believe when you’ve got a Sarina.” Time will tell whether the song has foretold the future. Haiti are first up.
England are following a number of historic precedents going into the tournament, mainly that they are not favourites and the main hope is they will reach the later stages through pure pluck. Few others have put in the effort to produce a song or, at least, market it sufficiently that we could find it on the internet. Come On Ireland (Giving Us The Right To Dream) is, unsurprisingly, backing the Irish. Hot Press have managed to get some backing vocals from president Michael D Higgins. Again, it is far more melodic than what we have come to expect, making for a rather polite rap battle, but it does have a certain ring to it.
There is, additionally, an official tournament song that Fifa has kindly produced for our ears, titled Do It Again, that informs the listener to “not stress” nor “overthink”, two sensible proposals for those watching in Europe because they will be quite sleepy while many of the early matches are on. This will be the biggest and best World Cup yet, as we are all repeatedly told, and who can argue when we are blessed with music like this?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Somebody was impersonating someone from Ilkeston Town. In all senses it seemed genuine. We wanted to get a game on for Tuesday or Wednesday night, and if there is any team who wants to get a game on then we’d love them to get in touch” – Daventry chief suit Steve Tubb appeals for a new pre-season opponent after revealing that they were duped into thinking they had arranged a friendly with the Northern Premier Division side by some b@nter merchant on social media disgrace Twitter. We hear Bayern Munich are competitive (see below).
RUTHLESS PEOPLE
“The highlights from tonight’s 27-0 win over Rottach-Egern” – in what must be a video of similar length to The Godfather II, Bayern post the best bits from their annual pre-season spanking of FC Rottach-Egern on social media disgrace Twitter. In three games, the aggregate score is 70-2.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
The only way Bayern’s 27-0 pre-season win can end, is by losing 1-0 to Werder Bremen on Matchday 1” – Krishna Moorthy.
Only a preseason friendly, but this goal from Antoni Sarcevic for Stockport County against Chester is Bergkampesque. And worth sharing with readers. Not Bergkamp” – Dan Levy.
I’m sure there’s plenty more than 1,057 pedants who find your tireless use of unfunny cartoons by David Squires, well … not very funny. Perhaps you’re trying to target the devoted Beano readers from way back then? Keep the head down and standards up and you may approach the heady heights of the classic Dennis the Menace!” – Ray Griffin (and no other comic-strip haters).
I found myself wondering what Jonathan Woodgate (Memory Lane, yesterday’s full email version) was trying to achieve with that Jesus Hairdo. History is he had a Disco Down and got Caught by the Fuzz, but then he may have been Loaded at the time. Perhaps he thought it was the Sale of the Century when he went to Madrid, but he wasn’t Made of Stone and at some point he must have thought ‘The State I am In’ and had to Start Again. I hope it led to him Waking Up and also he wasn’t a Daydreamer, because Menswear were cr@p” – Jon Millard (and no other fans of 90s bangers).
I did enjoy the Willian it was really nothing gag [on Monday]. If The Fiver likes the Smiths then maybe it could adopt one of their songs as a theme tune? That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore maybe?” – Simon Dunsby.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Dan Levy.
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